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Early morning call

Friday 28 th August 2020

Good morning, early morning
My mind wanders off
Unlock me of this curse-d prison where detachment is of a loss
and here I am
as I have been for weeks
A dreadful feeling I cannot expel
And its curse, an internal battle
Or maybe a blessing, I cannot tell.

My prison is control
The need for things to go my way
It is resistance to the greater truth and path of life that binds me to the battlefield
and all I can do is pray

And yet I pray
And I read
And I try to stand still
And my mind fights and resists because what I want, I cannot comprehend why I can't have
Control keeps me imprisonned when I know I could be free 
if just let go and if I just
accepted the good 
in the bad

The lessons we learn
The mistakes that have brought us to where we are
The things within me I try againn and againn to change...

There is a curtain to my vision
A curtain I cannot unnveil
I've chosen one route when the others could also
serve me well
Somehow I've lost the virtue of patience and
I seek it,
but to no avail.

Haunted I am, by the guilt.
The awarenness of my self-pity.
The knowledge of the insignificance of a suffering
that is unjustified
and incomparable to even to this little grain of sand that in my hand I hold

As I behold the world I live inn
And the greater uncertainty that plagues the lives of others
Annd imagine! All the stories untold.

So you see early mornning,
I greet you and immerse myself in you as an honest attempt
To change
I am unwell and the heaviness and uncertainty of the
daily moment has become too difficult to bear
So today you woke me up before you rose
And I have chosen to wake to your call.

Slowly but surely, oh early morning,
I will rise and free myself of this prison,
And I know I will find myself there time and time again,
But each time I will learnn something more about myself and perhaps 
my days of imprisonement will be shorter, or less frequent
as I take a step forward the right way.

So whatever happens today,
I promise this time
I will accept.

And tomorrow will be a different day,
But when I rise I will remember your call,
And attempt to free myself of control,
What ever come, and come what may.