After days and days of uncertainty,
after checking the letter I wrote carefully,
after hours and hours of translating it,
after correcting everything bit by bit,
after not knowing if it was the right thing to do,
I decided to give my apology letter to you.

When I gave her the letter to give it to you,
even though the weeks of no communication were quite a few,
you decided to think badly of me,
and not take my letter as an apology.

That's all okay, I should have known it would happen,
but I couldn't just say I didn't feel abandoned,
I had to tell you exactly how I felt,
but if you didn't read the whole thing, you could have just let my letter melt.

I don't know if you've read the whole letter through,
but if you're reading this you know I'm talking to you,
if you don't read the letter carefully,
you won't be able to take it as an apology.

So if you've teared up my letter, it's okay,
it's not as if I'd thrown it away,
but if you want to read it again, go ahead,
because it's something you'll never dread.

And just to finish at last,
I didn't mean you to read my letter fast,
so read it again, and remember my words,
because mine are no better than any bird's.
 

One day you tell me,
that you like the way I am,
One day you tell me,
you'll go back to be who you are.

But you seem to be ignoring it all,
and being your pretending self again.

That day I believed,
your choice had been made,
you sounded so convinced.
and you showed me how much I can appreciate.

That day you told me,
you believed in what I believed in,
that you understood me completely,
that you would be yourself again. 

And then the next day,
you become the worst fake,
of the yourself that I know,
and I am upset.

I am confused,
Who are you really?
Am I mistaken on the real yorself?
Did you tell me all that so we could be best friends?

I am confused,
Do you really love me for myself?
Do you really like me at all?
Or were you just being fake?
Do I know you at all?

If you are who I think you are,
you are a caring person,
a lovely person,
who cares for their best friends,
over anything else,
who would be willing,
to do anything to get their best friend back,
if a fight came in between them.

If you are that person,
why did you not want to talk about what happened?
why did you want it forgotten?
why did you sound all happy the day we were not speaking?

If you are that person,
I also love you for who you are,
but I want to know the real you,
now.

We are best friends,
But you left me that day,
Which made me upset,
Even after taking the plane.

I thought you would care,
When I'd start to cry,
But you would just say,
You wanted to sleep.

I wanted to talk,
To get things all clear,
But you gave me the message,
That its not what you mean.

And today we dont talk,
And today I feel guilty,
Is it my fault,
For having this problem?

I dont want to lose you,
But I want you to know,
If you care about me,
Say yes or no.

Because I love you,
for the friend you are,
But I'm scared,
that you don't care.

I'm scared that tomorrow,
we will not talk,
I'm scared that you will be,
the not yourself.

I'm scared that if we DO talk,
we won't get things clear straightaway.

Even though I want to be talking to you again,
I want you to understand,
how much you hurt me,
that day.

I sometimes don't know what to do,
if I should say this or that,
or if I should follow you.

I don't know what is expected of me,
and what you want your bestfriend to be.

I don't understand what is right or wrong,
if I should say this as a poem,
or as a song.

But what I am trying to say,
is: Are your thoughts supposed to give away?
Am I supposed to say what I think,
or should I say what you want to hear?
Am I supposed to be honest,
or what is it you want to hear?

Because sometimes,
I might be annoying,
and sometimes,
I might scream.
But this is only because I'm being who I am,
and I'm saying what comes out of my mouth,
like water down a stream.

Everyperson is a puppet,
conducted by their friends,
telling them what to do.

But at this moment,
my friends aren't holding my strings,
and my puppet shape does what it thinks it should.

So friends,
may you hold my strings,
give me advice and tell me what to do?
Should I go away or follow you?
Should I say what I think or should I shut my mouth?
Should I be honest or should I talk dishonestly?
Because my puppet shape does not know what to do.

I don't know what is expected of me,
I might be annoying,
I sometimes don't know what to do,
Should I go away or follow you?
Are your thoughts supposed to give away?
I don't understand what is right or wrong,
and everyperson is a puppet,
But at this moment,
my friends aren't holding my strings,
and sometimes,
I might scream,
Because my puppet shape does not know what to do.
So what is and what you want your bestfriend to be?

About my friends, after moving away :(