What if, if I am lonely?

Every time I feel sad,
Every time I'm lonely,
I pull a happy face,
even though enside me it's a sad face.

Everyone thinks that I'm OK,
But deep inside I feel lost,
lonely.

Years ago people used to like me,
people used to say "she is so nice,"
And they used to like my behavior,
they used to want to be like me.

My friends,
they said I was too nice,
But it used to make me happy.

But now all of this seems fantasy,
as if none of it had happened.

Now,
people critisize me,
for being behaved,
for being silent in class.

They critisize me for being short,
for being healthy, for being an A student.
(and the truth is that I'm not).

Whenever I'm around my friends,
they think that i am awkward,
they make funny jokes (and they are too!)
about me, 
but none of them seem true.

And now that I think about it,
not many compliments have ever been said about me.

I used to think I was nice,
maybe I'm not.

Maybe I don't know what I'm doing,
maybe....

My friends,
they leave me,
they do still talk to me,
but still leave me.

For once I wish,
I could eat fast,
eat fast to rejoin them.

Is it me?
Am I like this,
have I changed,
And do people still like me?

Do they just not know how to spit it out,
or is it that they don't want to,
or is it just me?

One more question...
I adore my bestfriend...
but bestfriend, do you still like me?

What if...
What if, if I am lonely?